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Mother-in-Law update

After the fall on the broken slabs, it took quite a while for the bruising on her face to go down.  She still has a small lump in the soft tissue on the cheek area below her eye, which is taking much longer to clear up.  This is the area where her glasses smashed into her face, we have to sort out some new glasses for her, she has a spare pair.The Council people have replaced the pavement with, yes, tarmac, and it is the only level piece of paving n the street!  I swear I saw a few elderly neighbours taking refuge on it the other day, could become quite a meeting point for them.  I might even keep a couple of folding chairs by the front door so I can nip out with them.M-I-L reluctantly agreed to start meals on wheels at her home, and despite all the varying tales about the standards (Jamie Oliver, where are you we thought!) - she loves them!  Success!  Phew! We had a visit from Social services and the meals at the weekend are frozen - there is no way she will master a microwave, but they have a service where (you pay of course) somebody comes in to cook them.  The Marks & Spencer one person range of ready meals are pretty good - I buy them for a neighbour, so if the frozen bit doesn't work out, there are other alternatives.  Her neighbours are smashing and the hospital ward, nurses and ward Manager where he is a patient, have been amazing in keeping an eye out for her.  We are very impressed with her Doctor and his receptionists too, his winning ways have helped her understand what is going on.  The only fly in the ointment is this care business for hubby.  They had a meeting to talk about his needs (he has had a severe stroke) and the care (££££) Manager was there.  Next thing is the (££££) Manager was asking to speak to my husband and waving documents around with pen poised.  Our Solicitor had warned not to sign anything as he is an NHS patient and any care costs are a continuance of his care arrangements and should be free.  The ££££ Manager didn't appear to know this (!?) and then the suggestion was that this would only apply if he would die if care were withdrawn, within 6 weeks (per-fickt-ly charming, don't you think?).  So this is all up in the air at the present time.  Amazing isn't it - lived and paid and all that ... needs care because he has severe brain damage and the £ signs start floating around.  Apparently each Health Authority has their own interpretation of what the Law actually means.  In this case it looks like we have to define death-in-six-weeks?  What a place.

Sarah Felstead ● 7311d25 Comments

You will have to do the conversion for me, Ann.  Nearly there Gareth - a straightforward care home, everything else would be extra.  They eventually confessed they charge £636.00 a week!  This was 'into the air' too, no written information nor a charge list for any typical extras people might run up.  So, £33,072.00 a year.I did some delving and found a few of the developments you are talking about, Ann, and there are all manner of strings attached to those too - my, my, the State could make/save a fortune if they ran their own!  We could even have moored ships stuffed full of people when they retire.  That might solve the annoyance of deciding where to file these people in later life?  They could enforce the move onto strategically placed ships when they hand over the pension book and pocket watch?  How much does a round the world cruise, cost for a year?You may remember me talking about the bungalows people are putting up in their gardens around here (having taken out all the shrubs and trees)and are renting them out.  The only people who don't 'realise' that they are rented out, are the people who could quite rightly make charges for services on a separate dwelling.  A neighbour who is an estate agent, sees them all the time; and so does a health visitor friend who recently squeezed down a very narrow side passage to visit a family in their beautiful bungalow.  We could put a number of these in our garden and have our own 'Golden Meadows retirement Village' - maybe 'Flightpath view' or 'Somewhere, under the Flightpath?' - and retire on the proceeds!Actually, even though it is amusing to make light of this - it is proving to be very difficult and very serious.  Finding out and claiming the right funding is also a pain.  The trust said 'into the air' (no written proof that it ever happened) they would give him £85 a week towards nursing care.  After one week they changed their minds and said he had made such an improvement he didn't warrant 'any' money towards care.  We are still waiting for written details of their assessments and decisions so we can try and make a reasoned decision with MIL about his future.We keep being told that Government guidelines are so hazy that there is a huge area of middle ground or as they constantly refer to it, a GREY AREA, and it suits for fund holders to pop the elderly down that hole?  One person who was, we understand, heavily involved in the 'amazing one weeks improvement decision' boasted that he is a policy advisor for the Government.  Amazing what people let slip in a short conversation, isn't it?We were also told that the Consultant has given FIL a life span of around 5 years - can you fathom what MIL would have made of that information?

Sarah Felstead ● 7280d

MIL does not live in the Hounslow area - and I understand that Hounslow deliver meals on a 7 day basis (the needs for a MOW service and to eat at the weekends being just as important to an elderly person, as during the week, I s'pose...).  In her area they have frozen meals delivered on a Friday, for the weekend.It didn't work out as smoothly as I hoped.  The frozen MOL are supposed to be delivered into her freezer ... to avoid the possibility that she leaves them on the side in the kitchen; they start to defrost, then she remembers to place the half defrosted meals in the freezer, herself.  (oh, yes).The delivery was made when we were there on the Friday, and they didn't have the instructions to do the placing in the freezer bit.  After some explaining, they did that for me.  I later looked and found they had delivered the same meal for Saturday and Sunday (bit mean, really).  The puddings were different, and there was nothing else in the freezer to confuse the issue.Next day when the care people came to cook, MIL did the confusing by starting off with, she was cancelling the cooking at weekends.  Phone calls between us and the agency carer resulted in a cooked meal which MIL really enjoyed - she loves the hot meals - dee-lish-ous!  She has a hearty appetite and loves the puddings!  We have rung the MOW people to say how much she loves the food.  Cost of MOW + a half hour care bill.On Sunday the carer must have asked MIL what she wanted, rather than following the instructions - cook and serve the MOW;  make a sandwich for the evening, and after covering it, leave it in the fridge.  Later telephone calls (and boy were there many of those over the weekend) and we deduced that the pudding was still frozen .. having been asked if she wanted the pudding MIL had probably said no, but with no means of cooking it herself, leaving it uncooked and frozen follows that chocolate teapot theory.  Useless.  MIL had later tried to eat it, as we found it with the lid off, still semi-frozen, in the fridge 2 days later.  Oh, and the same sort of conversation must have gone on, over the sandwich, as there was none made.  MOW + half hour care bill for a cooked main meal only...?Since the weekend a neighbour has stepped forward and will sort out a hot meal for one of the meals each day at the weekend, so we can ditch the freezer bit and the care agency worker.  It is difficult in these situations as so much is on a goodwill basis, and the last thing we want to do is take advantage of a kind neighbour.  But what would it be like without them?  Yes of course we will make sure she is rewarded.MIL is very upset about anyone coming in at the weekend to cook, but she cannot cook herself.  Her old cooker had bitten the dust and we replaced it with a modern version of the old one, only to find she has lost the skill of turning on the gas taps and lighting them.  Hubby has been doing the cooking for the last x years.  She turned on the gas, and left it on, unlit, and wandered off .. she turned the burner on, and eventually managed to light the burner, then wandered off leaving it alight, and on low, so it wasn't very obvious it was on .. her concentration to do a task is not very good, so all we could see were red warning flags.  The gas supply to the cooker was switched off and we sought out other means of giving her a hot meal.  She later 'let slip' that she used the grill to dry clothes in a hurry - she placed them across the top of the grill and lit the burners underneath.  There is no going back when somebody tells you that, is there?    "But we've always done it".The agency bill came for the Saturday, only.  But the amount is a bit different to our expectations.  Social services suggested it would be around £7 a half hour.  The letter given to us at the initial setting up interview said there as an additional fee for the weekend, which made it £10 a half hour and the bill is for somewhere around £11.15 or so, I haven't got it to hand.  Now that sort of money on top of the MOW price is pr-i-ttty steep, how on earth can people manage?

Sarah Felstead ● 7303d

ANN you are probably right!  We now have several articles about people trying to get their money back, and other stories about people being left in hospital for yonks whilst the discussions go on.  Is it Bernadette who works in a solicitors office?  I was pleased that the bill for quite a lot of time, was quite reasonable - in comparison with what I thought it might be, although I didn't really know what it would be, if you get my drift.....  It was sort of a right foot and a bit of a knee cap, rather than an arm and a leg.  Her advice may well have saved a fortune, too!  LOIS I may well write to Ann Keen and ask her to consider replying to your letter.The meals on wheels are frozen at weekends so we have to get a carer from an agency to come in and re-heat the food, and make a sandwich for the evening snack.  Half an hour on a Saturday or Sunday is £10 a visit via the agency recommended.  We are also looking at getting some cold meals delivered by M&S as a much cheaper alternative.  She is really enjoying the hot meals delivered during the week.KEITH so sorry to hear about your Sister, thank you for your wishes and in turn we wish you and your family the best.  I don’t know how old your Sister is, and that does play a part.  I have experience in the family of brain damage from a car crash and the person lived a good but different life.These sorts of illness involving the brain, are still very isolating as it is only when it happens that people turn to look at what is available.  It is then that the care homes and facilities are so badly needed, yet often these have not been supported because they are not vote winners and the people involved have only small voices.The experience of her hubby’s stroke and the support available through information is heaps better than my experience with the car accident relative in the 1970’s.  Then they did not recognise the affect on the family and the things which were said, were disgraceful.  When his wife said that she did not believe it was her husband in a coma (and she really didn’t) some helpful soul supplied a booklet of Police/Coroners photographs of the pile up, to prove it was the remains of her car.  As an adult looking at the photpgraphs I am only surprised that they didn't give her the numberplates, which were the only recognisable bit left of the car.We had a visit to the optician today to sort out M-I-L’s glasses.  The optician saw the lump on her cheek and asked if she had been checked over by a Doctor after the fall.Everyone has been very kind to M-I-L. Barbara Reid came around to say hello, and her Doctor saw the pictures on the forum.  All the workmen and council people who turned out to survey and dig up the offending pavement, said hello too.  That bit she quite enjoyed! … … :-)

Sarah Felstead ● 7309d