DawnHere it is in a nutshellSome years ago residents of Richmond and Hounslow together with Vince Cable, Ann Keen and Lord Whitty met with the MD and other directors of Thames Water to tell them that Mogden stinks. (The Tories weren't too bothered so they didn't turn up for the meeting)That's a shame said Thames Water.What are you going to do about it? asked our delegationWe can't do anything, said Thames, because we made millions of profit but we want to keep it and pay huge dividends to our shareholders because Maggie Thatcher told us we could make bundles of money when we privatised. That's not very neighbourly said our delegation.Don't tell us - tell our regulator, said ThamesOk, we said - we will. How much money do you need?£70million said Thames' MD gleefully rubbing his hands together whilst giving a nod and a wink to fellow directors.Ok - we will ask Ofwat for the £70million for you we said.Hello Ofwat - can you give £70million of ratepayers money to Thames Water please?Not really said Ofwat - because we have repeatedly told Thames that odour is a matter for them to sort out themselves.Oh - please, please,please - we begged. They won't spend their money because dear Mrs Thatcher said they could keep it all because Greed is Good.Ok, said Ofwat - we understand, and because Labour now rules, and Thatcher got it all wrong, we will give them £12million of your money to spend on Mogden.Hi Thames Water - we got £12 million for you, we said.Oh dear, our three directors of our holding Company expect to earn £26 million in bonuses so £12 million isn't really enough. Can you ask for more?Hi - Ofwat - its us again. Thames want more.OK - said Ofwat. We just checked our A-Z and we note Mogden is right in the middle of two heavily populated Boroughs, so we will tell Thames they can have £42million of your money but they must tell us what they are going to do with it.Have you got that Thames? we asked. No problem, said Thames, we have another site which is actually nowhere near any houses but we will do the same there which will include covering those 8 very smelly storm tanks which are the size of football pitches. Fantastic, we said - how long will it take? Oh about 4 years. ...................two years later. Hi Hounslow Council, this is Thames Water. Is it Ok if we don't cover all the tanks because we think if we only cover 2 tanks, it will be just as good as covering 8 and we can save ourselves £12million. Oh, said Hounslow, OK - no problem.................One year laterHi Hounslow, this is Thames. Listen mate, we are gonna get fined by the EU 'cos we are dumping too much shite in the River so we need to expand Mogden to double its size because we are using all 8 storm tanks regularly and they are still stinking and overflowing into the River so millions of fish are dying.Oh dear, said Hounslow. Yes, you'd better get on with it then. Put in an application and we will recommend to our new Tory Administration to approve it. Great, because if we can treat more sewage we'll make much more profit. Do you think Cllrs will be cheesed off that we didn't cover all the storm tanks though? Nah - said Hounslow. The Labour guys were quite sharp but these new guys are a walkover. None of them actually even know where Mogden is. Leave it with us. Residents to Hounslow. Err excuse us but if you are going to recommend approval, can you get Thames to now spend that £12million and cover the remaining tanks. Oh no, said Hounslow, Thames will never do that because they would have to get another £20million from Ofwat. £20million?? we asked, We thought it was £1.2million per tank. Err, we don't know, said Hounslow. Must be inflation. Ok, we said - can you ask Ofwat if Thames need to get their approval to do a job which they promised you, the Council, they would do 5 years ago?. No, said Hounslow, we can't really talk to Ofwat directly but we can assure you, we promise, cross our hearts, hope to die if we tell a lie, we asked Thames twice and they assured us that they were prohibited from spending a penny unless Ofwat approved it. OK, we said - have you asked if they have applied to Ofwat to approve the spend. Um...well no, we mean yes, we mean, oh dear we think....we mean.... oh this is too complicated...you residents are really getting out of hand and we are short staffed after the Tories made so many of us redundant so we are not going to take this further but we will ask the SDC to make a decision. Oh... OK. Dear SDC, we have a problem with this expansion and the £12million that wasn't spent 5 years ago..... Can you find out what happened to it and if possibly.............Oh shut up you pesky residents, we are the Tory Party....now foook right off and let us get on with airbrushing our Dave. We have an election coming you know and voters' concerns are the least of our worries. Next you will be asking us what was agreed about BAA's expansion of Heathrow and asking us to not approve that either. How can you expect us to remember what we said 10 years ago. We are politicians not people with ethics.
Steve Taylor ● 5886d