scrap timber / recycling materials required
As Brentford now enters the "season of hibernation", building work slows to a pause, businesses and residents alike tighten their belts in the frantic run-up to Christmas, and tourism begins to stall, I have decided to take some affirmative action.I propose we gather together scrap timber, excess wooden materials, knackered furniture etc, things which would otherwise simply be taken to a recycling centre (I saw a man thrown a whole single bed frame into a compacter once, it looked perfectly usable! what a waste.) In hindsight, if my memory serves, this was at Morrisons car park; perhaps I should ask Jim about this; people will just dump their rubbish anywhere these days. It's horrendous. Anyway, to get to the point, I had a few small moments of inspiration lately, feeling the chill of winter start to approach, seeing all the Halloween decorations go up (and come down the next day!), and hearing the Diwali fireworks reminding us all that the Fifth of November approacheth; it just all made sense.I suggest we build our tower of timber (about sixty feet tall by twelve wide) in the shape of a man, so as to reflect our ongoing striving endeavour to put the good of the whole community before the needs of ourselves as individuals. We will need someone pious, virtuous, virginal, and Christian. Though the clergy of Brentford are therefore precluded, it shouldn't be too hard to find an unscrupulous, honest soul among our Hounslow councillors. Failing that, and in tune with modern values, environmental activism seems to draw the good and worthy into its flock these days. I'm sure we'll find someone suitably inflammatory. If we honour the old gods properly we'll be sure to see great prosperity in the new year! Reynard Mills may finally see some action, the high street will flourish, who knows, The Lion King might come to the Watermans Arts Centre! We may even end up with a half decent pub in town! I know, I know; fanciful but we can but try. Suggestions welcome for the blood sacrifice; but can we please all get firm agreement first, as the last time I recommended this (Chiswick, 2007), it was a bit poorly organised and we ended up with six small (mostly failed) attempts at the ritual, rather than one big successful one. Three of the candidates for immolation didn't even show up, one of the town councillors was found burnt to a cinder on the morning of the event, (before building of the wicker man had even had a chance to begin) (I still suspect foul play though the coroner declared spontaneous human combustion - he was a bit of a drinker), ((the coroner, not the councillor)), and the Oxjam promoter... Peter? I forget his name - barely got his feet warm despite the most earnest bellowing efforts. An utterly unincendiary man, to say the least. It was a bloody shambles - no pun intended.Anyway, suggestions welcome for candidates and locations! I have a few spare pews to donate. "This is the remix to ignition!Hot and fresh out the kitchen!Mama rollin' that body;Got every man in her wishin'!Sippin' on coke and rum,I'm like so what I'm drunk!It's the freakin' weekend baby,I'm about to have me some fun!" - R Kelly. Toot toot! Beep beep!
Jacob P Aitken ● 4297d1 Comments