Forum Topic

Black tie dinner and dance

I have to attend a dinner and dance next Wednesday which is i have been told a black tie event.I am hoping that this does not mean i have to wear a tuxedo or similar as my wardrobe is more use to holding football shirts etc.Can one of our more discerning posters please throw some light on this please?

Paul Fisher ● 7454d15 Comments

I forwarded a photo to Jim last night Gerry.I expect it will come in useful if he puts it on his mantlepiece.At least it will keep any kids away from the fire ;-)

Paul Fisher ● 7447d

I enjoyed reading that PAUL - sounds like you had a great evening. Thanks.  ;-)

Gerry Tan ● 7447d

You're a great sport Paul...and congratulations to you for tackling the event head-on..and overcoming your fears!It must have been a great sight to see all those diners dressed to the nines..in one big room, to hear the good speeches..and to sit back and relax...after the performance required to get to and attend the function.We've enjoyed pulling your leg...and for the opportunity for giving informative guidance...and you've replied admirably..as always..with a picture worded report.

Jim Lawes ● 7447d

Well I have survived just about to tell the tale but it was a close run thing.After leaving work about 3pm yesterday I made my way to the Metropole Hilton in Paddington where I checked in.A lift to the 20th floor to throw the bags in and then it was straight down to the bar for a little Dutch courage for the ordeal ahead.Some of our customers arrived and then a few fellow staff which meant some more beer and suddenly time was against me so back to the 20th floor to shower and put the fancy dress on.As I had only just met my dinner suit and shirt I had both fingers crossed that it would all fit ok and I thank my lucky stars it did.The bow tie on the otherhand was another matter.This has to be the both fiddly item ever devised by man but eventually I mastered it and was on my way back to the ground floor.More drinks followed in the bar and then the booming voice announcing that dinner is to served.The table had plenty of room and I glanced at the menu praying that soup or gravy was nowhere to be seen and the luck held with me when I saw that neither was there.A couple of glasses of red wine and the first course arrived which was Parma ham,grilled peach and buffalo mozzarella with balsamic dressing and was not bad at all.Some more wine and then the main course which was best end of lamb topped with a roasted vegtable crust,caramelised baby vegetables,rosti potato and a Madeira sauce.More wine and then the most delicious dessert I think I have ever tasted which was rhubarb and treacle tart with chantilly cream and a raspberry coulis.Some more wine and coffee followed and then an auction was held which raised over £40,000 for items such as rugby shirts etc.The guest speakers were Geoff Miller who is the England cricket selector,Jason Leanard and Dr Kevin Jones who were all fantastic.The whole evening was hosted by the BBC chap Ian Robertson who sounded as if he has many years of experience doing this.All that was left was to retire to the original bar I started the afternoon in as this was ovep till 4am!!.Photos were taken as well Jim if the £10 is still available for charity?

Paul Fisher ● 7448d

Its 11pm Wednesday evening....Paul will be relaxing by now...having mastered the quickstep in one swaying extravaganza!  Paul probably fell trying to do the tango...taking a table with him.....but he will recover in good time for the last waltz.

Jim Lawes ● 7448d

Thanks for all the advice Jim but I think you have now put the fear of God in to me with all the rituals and etiquette you have described. Luckily I will be staying at the Paddington Metropole Hilton where the event is being held so I will not have to start my journey dressed up on the 267 bus.The suit etc is all booked to be picked up tomorrow afternoon so I just hope it all fits ok now as there is no going back.I fully intend leaving any soup well alone as I just know what would happen and also any gravy.In fact a sandwich would be my safest bet to avoid a cleaning bill.I will let you know on Thursday morning how it all went.

Paul Fisher ● 7450d

Paul: Sorted the DJ yet?..the function is tomorrow Wednesday!! For fun purposes I can't resist from carrying on..... :)I'm sure you'll do fine. So, taking your partner's hand you enter the Banqueting Room, only to find that you are  accosted by the photographer!  A quick smile should ensure your Mayoral aspirations!    Then find your table and hopefully you will see familiar faces...but if they are all strangers..we wish you good luck..Hopefully you will have sparkling ladies either side of you!!You may find that place cards show where you are to sit....but remain standing to start off with..behind your chair...as the MC /Toastmaster is about to announce the arrival of the VIP's. They usually enter the Banqueting Room in a procession.. to the accompaniment of friendly rhymic clapping! (no roll or butter throwing allowed!)The Top Man (a President?) may then launch into "Grace". ("For what we are about to receive..God help us" Say Amen!!Then display your normal gentlemanly graces..and allow the ladies to sit first.. sliding their chairs..gently..behind their posteriors to allow them a comfortable riggle whilst they settle down.By the way,no fags at this stage...save them ..or your Fox 4  Dominican cigars.. till later!The waitresses will probably serve you over your left shoulder!! and note any exceptional closeness. She may tell her colleagues about your aftershave...then again she might not. If you are offered a bread roll..hesitate picking it up with your fingers..just in case she planned to place it on your plate ..using her tongs!!  Best to point at the roll you want..and if she picks it up with ungloved fingers..you can just be amused.Of course..tart using the cutlery from the outside placings! Could be fish knives first. Beware the soup equitette. Scoup the soup AWAY from you...not towards your,so far, unstained shirt. When the level of soup in your bowl drops to "not much left" lift the bowl away from you..and scoup away from you again. Such a display of technique will impress observers on the Table!! (PS: No dunking with the roll!!)Always ask the waitress for more.. when she serves the main course...although there's a limit to how many chicken breasts can be eaten in one session. Help your lady friends by passing the veg etc..and best not ask for HP sauce. You're not at the Imperial Cafe now!!By now you will be relaxing..reading the menu...passing the wine (remember one bottle in seven is off..and only one bottle in 1000 is complained about!!), getting ready for the desserts and cheese..dreaming of a good Port..tucking into the petit fours (chocs).The MC/Toastmaster will announce the Loyal Toast....the tast being "The Queen" ..and from then on you can smoke..smoke.. smokeIn the meantime, your partner is dreaming of the first dance with you...so brush up on the meandering foxtrot..or perhaps a dashing quickstep...Beware playing those table games that result in "smokey" tissue paper floating to the ceiling..as this can set off Fire Alarms..and being a Hotel all residents and diners have to assemble in the street outside..awaiting the Fire Brigade.  But you wouldn't do that..would you Paul? Have a good time!! and let us know how you got on!!

Jim Lawes ● 7450d

Paul: You've now had some excellent advice from us all about what you should wear ..and how you will/should look (by the way Moss Bros was a good tip)..and I'm pretty sure you'd find it helpful if we guided you through the rest of the evening!!!You may find it handy to stay overnight at this grand Edgware Road(?) Hotel..overlooking Paddington Canal Basin? Maybe special weekend rates are on offer for those attending the Charity event. Its a bit of a fag getting to the venue from Isleworth..in "fancy dress"..and by public transport...but arrival at the Hotel in one of those long limousines will impress the papparazzi from HM magazine ..waiting on the steps of the Metropol! (£10 per photo!).Best then to pop to the Gents to check that the Brylcream has been well combed in..and beware of any fearsome water taps that might spray all over your Moss Bros finery!The attendant will hand you a scented towel and brush any dandruff off your shoulders! He will offer the palm of his hand towards you...and of course you will only have a 5p piece in your pocket! Jabber to him in Polski...and he may answer to back in Polski!!Then hit the reception bar, check your back pocket to see if you brought your wallet with you!! and join the 100 hogging the bar. (best to have some miniatures in your inside pocket!). Of course, your partner will be in attendance..so..don't leave her on her her own..let her enjoy the bar mellee...and meet new partners!!!Look out for the Table Plan...and make sure you're not on the top table..and somehow double-check that you're not listed in the programme...as the Guest Speaker!!Remember your table number..there could be 800 diners!!You'll hear the gong or call..for "Dinner is served"..and a queue will form going into the Banqueting Room. Best not to take a drink (or lit fags!)in with you as you're soon to be introduced to the VIP's. The red outfitted Toast-Master will ask for both your names...which he will bellow out in the direction of the various Presidents,and Excellencies waiting to greet you. Hopefully buttons on your shirt won't have pinged by this stage..and the wet beer patch on your jacket will have dried a bit. But be brave, everyone else is in the same state of anxiety.Once you're past that hurdle ..you can relax..and enjoy looking or your Table..and seeing who you're sitting next too!!More tomorrow...from others too!!!

Jim Lawes ● 7452d

Paul, Jim's advice is pretty nearly perfect, except for one thing:  black tie means exactly that, if you wear a bow tie of any other colour (and red is the worst by  a mile) you'll be in danger of looking like a bouncer in a strip club.  Coloured cummerbunds are acceptable, though.Admittedly, it's been a number of years since I've been at a black tie event, so maybe things have changed, but I wouldn't risk it.

Ann Williams ● 7452d

PaulI fear a visit to Moss Bros coming on. don't dread the thought of it, go along with it. I hope that you have a great night.

Gareth Evans ● 7453d

That’s the word Vanessa.It’s origin as far as we are concerned probably goes back to the Raj.One of the Indian languages, (Hindi, I think) has a word (words) for a sash worn round the waist; “kamar-band” literally meaning loin-band.

David Johnson ● 7453d

So there is a rugby connection?A word of warning Paul.  I've used the shop in question and they charge by the inch!! ;-)

Phil Andrews ● 7454d

Thanks Jim,i am dreading the whole eveing.Its at the Paddington Metropole by the way for the Wooden Spoons Society.

Paul Fisher ● 7454d

Cummerbund I think is the word you are looking for, never could quite see their purpose myself.

Vanessa Smith ● 7454d

Paul: Sounds a pleasant posh do...at the Rugby Ground or somewhere?So: you can hire the trousers and jacket (DJ) from the hire shop in Station Road, opposite Hounslow Station. Black shoes and black socks. Either buy the shirt (no buttons showing) from M&S..or hire from the shop. Dig out some cuff links.Bow tie doesn't have to be black...but you shouldn't wear one with flashing lights! You don't have to brylcream your hair!Your may find wearing braces with the trousers..more comfortable than a belt..and finally you could hire and wear the waistband item..I've forgotten the name..which covers the junction between north and south.A splendid handkerchief should complete the package....and I offer £10 for anyone producing a photograph of Paul on the evening!! Go for it Paul.

Jim Lawes ● 7454d