The Politics of Cows- A Friday Special
SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes one and gives it to your neighbour who doesn't have a field to put it in. COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk. Then the cows die due to neglect. FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk. Then the cows die in the war. NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you. Then the cows are killed in the war. EUROPEAN UNION BUREAUCRATISMYou have 2 cows.The EU takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milkaway because the quota has been exceeded ...TRADITIONAL CAPITALISMYou have two cows.You sell one and buy a bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income.SURREALISMYou have two giraffes.The government requires you to take harmonica lessonsAN AMERICAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later,you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISMYou have two cows.You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters ofcredit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute debt/equityswap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back,with a tax exemption for five cows.The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to aCayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sellsthe rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on onemore.You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving youwith nine cows.No balance sheet provided with the release.The public then buys your bull.A FRENCH CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you wantthree cows.A JAPANESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of anordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cowcartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.A GERMAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat oncea month, and milk themselves.AN ITALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to havelunch.A RUSSIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learnyou have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stopcounting cows and open another bottle of vodka.A SWISS CORPORATIONYou have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.You charge the owners for storing them.A CHINESE CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You have 300 people milking them.You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.AN INDIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.You worship them.A BRITISH CORPORATIONYou have two cows.Both are mad.AN IRAQI CORPORATIONEveryone thinks you have lots of cows.You tell them that you have none.No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade yourcountry. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of aDemocracy....A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATIONYou have two cows.The one on the left looks very attractive.AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATIONYou have two cows.Business seems pretty good.You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate._______________________
David Giles ● 7085d2 Comments ● 7079d